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Life is not a box of Chocolates. This is Real Life People!

WOW – Can you believe it has been three months since I wrote on my Blog?  I have thought about it many times but things have been so hectic that I just felt I did not have enough time to relax and write.  So I am up in the middle of the night at 4:00 am writing now.

No, I did not get up to specifically to write on my Blog.  I woke up with things on my mind and decided to have a cup of decaf coffee.  That is what you do when you get older.  You start doing things you thought you would never do.  Recently I did something that was quiet a shock to me.  I went to Barnes & Noble to look for a couple of books.  I was looking for something with mystery or romance but ended up leaving with a book on how to detox from sugar and a Find a Word book.  Really!  A freaking Find a Work book?  I can not even believe I bought this for myself.  Still in shock!  As soon as I laid it on my coffee table, I knew it had happened.  I was starting to get the house look of an old person.  My step mother has this same coffee table look.  WOW – a little devastating I must say and a definite sign my life is boring.  I need to work on that for sure.  So let’s catch up from my last post.

Well, remember my Christmas Kiss?  Unfortunately, the mystery man left my life as quick as he came into my life.   We had two dates and they were fantastic.  I felt so comfortable with him and we talked for hours about so many things.  He kept in touch through the holidays and on News Years Day he sent me a picture of his children on the slopes skying during their Christmas vacation…then poof he was gone.  No texts or calls – nothing.  I texted him a couple of times and he never texted back.  I have no idea what happened.  For a couple of weeks I wondered was it something I did?  But looking back, it was just too perfect.  I did nothing wrong.  I have accepted the fact that although I wanted it to last longer he had something he needed to do.  Whether is was meeting someone else or just life getting in the way.  It had nothing to do with me.  I chose to not take upon myself any responsibility for his disappearance.  It was just him.  I just wonder why God would bring him in my life and take him out of my life just as fast?  Maybe it was just to give me that Christmas Kiss I longed for as a gift.  If that is the case, I appreciate it.  It was nice.

Another thing I have been dealing with is a new company.  Have you ever wondered what is the right thing to do when it comes to where to work?  I changed real estate companies in December and from the start I was unsure if this was the right place for me.  I felt it was a door that was opened – not by me – but one that had come to me.  I guess I am crazy because I think things like the mystery man or this new company coming to me is a sign of something bigger.  I thought it was a sign of God’s path for me but now I am not so sure.  As a Christian, I am always looking for God’s sign or listening for God to tell me something.  Yes – I do hear him tell me things.  I know it sounds crazy and I would have never believed it myself if I had not experienced it.  I guess it takes getting older to understand the way to hear God is to learn to listen.  Now I wonder if this was God’s voice or just people coming into my life for their own needs – needing me to help them fulfill their needs if only for a moment.  Who knows?

Well, this new company was supposed to be the answer to my prayers I thought.  I guess I expected too much and we all know when that happens we have set ourselves up for disappointment because you have no place to go but down when you have high expectations about anything in life.  This may be true for my new company.  The owner asked me what are my two deal breakers.  I said, 1.) Not being treated fairly and 2.) Not being able to trust the people I work with.  BAM!  Both of the deal breakers have already happened in less than 90 days.  This too has been a shock and disappointment for me but I am staying to try to give it more time to change.  I guess the saying “Not everything on the outside is as it seems” is very true.  Even at my age, I am constantly learning lessons and hoping one day I get a box of chocolates all filled inside with caramel.

I guess my biggest questions is when you try to do the right thing and work hard, “Why does it take so long for things to get better?”  Sorry if I am sounding like “Poor Pitiful Me”.  I really have so much to be thankful for and I thank God everyday for his many blessings but…  I guess I should not say the word “but” in the same sentence as I use the word God : / – Yikes.  But – how long do you have to wait for things to change?  I know everyone says it is in God’s timing.  I understand this and believe this…  But my goodness…how long is that?  I live my life in constant prayer for everything that happens to me and my loved ones – not to mention everyone in this world.  Again, I know I have a lot to be thankful for but there are things my heart desires like a life partner and financial security.  I think we all long for those two basic needs – right? Patience is something I have been trying to stay focused on while learning to stay calm and holding on to the Bible verse Jeremiah 29:11 – For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Amen I say!

My Dad’s 84th birthday is this coming week – March 12.  He married my step-mother when he was 60 years old.  I have several years before I get to be 60 – God willing.  So I know there is hope, but I remember him saying – this world is not a world for single people.  You go to church and sit alone because everyone else is in twos.  You don’t fit in as a single person.  I always thought that was sad but now I see it is true.  The world is made for twos.  I guess that is why God made Eve for Adam.  The Bible says that God saw Adam was lonely and needed a partner so he created Eve.  I will continue to wait and pray and have faith – faith of the mustard seed.  If you do not know what this means, you need to look it up.  A little faith is all you need – just a little.  I will take what has become my the size of a mustard seed and wait for my Christian husband to show up.  Fingers crossed.

Now, let’s talk about children.  I know I have a lot on my mind at 4:00 am in the morning.  Sorry!  Well, as you know I have two beautiful and wonderful adult children.  My adult relationship with them is very different from when they were growing up.  When they were small, they loved and respected me.  I did everything for them and I was their parent.  Now they are grown and I don’t have to do anything for them.  They are independent as it should be but this has created a much different relationship.  I know they still know I am their parent but it has turned into sort of like more of a friendship.  I wonder sometimes do they even realize I am still their parent?

My daughter and I get along pretty much great.  We have had our moments but overall I see she still respects me and sees me as her parent.  She still says “Yes – Mam”, and she calls or texts me everyday which I love, but my son has gotten very different.  He had some personal struggles I helped him with for a few years but now he is doing fantastic.  I am proud of both of my children.  I really am a proud mother but my son is the one who I am the most proud because he has totally changed his life for the better.  He has some alcohol issues and now that is completely out of his life.  Thank you God!  I am telling you, nothing is more worrisome or hurtful than dealing with something like that. I am just so thankful that he is released from that life.  He is doing awesome.

My daughter has always been a blessing to me and always been my sweet girl.  She is my mini-me.  I always knew she would be a superstar.  My son was the one I worried about because he was always rebelling and can be very hard-headed.  He thinks he knows everything.  Now he is successful and doing great.  He recently told me he was the head of the family because he made the most money and I needed to respect his place as head of our family as well as a lot of other things I won’t even get into.  This has dis-stressed me because I realized he doesn’t see me as his parent anymore.  It was like he was saying “I am the leader”.  I kinda felt bullied a little bit.  I even told him – NO!  I am your mother and you will not forget it.  I am not sure if all the years of him having personal struggles and now being in such a great place has gone to his head and made him forget who was the one who stood by him and picked up the pieces?  I am both of my children’s biggest cheerleader but I am not going to stand on the side line and be treated like a second class citizen because he makes more money than I do!

I am not looking to be constantly thanked for anything I have done for them, but I am looking to be respected and appreciated.  Being the primary care given, whether it is taking care of someone or just being their mother or father is a hard job.  Yes, I was married to their Dad until they were in college but I never had any help from him – financially or emotionally.  I was still a single parent.  This adult children relationship is sometimes tough.  I see now what I may have put my mother though.  They often (or I should say my son) think they know it all.  At church this past Sunday, I lit a candle for my son to become humble and kind.  This world can change you and sometimes not for the good.  He is so sweet and loving when he wants to be – : ) – but lately he has been so all about himself.  I know God is watching and I pray he is working on him to see his actions are hurtful and this is not the way to have a happy life.

So what is?  What is the way to have a happy life?  I have no clue.  I do know that I used to wake up everyday thinking is this the day I am going to be happy?  And by the end of the day, it was just another day.  Why?  Well, I do know the answer to this question.  Happiness is not a way of life.  It is an emotion.  Just like sadness passes so will happiness.  What we need to look for and try to achieve in our life is a state of contentment.  Just a way to wake up everyday and be content with the people we are around, our environment, our job, and definitely our life choices.  If we can learn to do this we will be in a state of contentment which means that we are okay.  We will find happiness in our day whether it is laughter with a friend at lunch or just hearing the birds chirp.  We will be at peace in our hearts and minds and possibly live a stress free life or at least as less stressed life.  That is the key to having a longer – notice I said longer – state of happiness.  I strive for that everyday.  I keep telling myself that I control my day and my choices of who I want to be around and what I want to do for the most part.  I control this and so do you.  Well – thanks for allowing me to catch up, and I hope to write again soon.  God Bless!



The Christmas Kiss

Well, Hello There!  It has been a while since I have had the time to write on my blog – forgive me if you were wondering what I had been up to lately.  Well, I have been very busy getting my systems and procedures in place for 2018.  It is going to be a fantastic year!  I am chillin today as you can tell from my photo above.  Giving myself a chance to rest.

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Are you waiting on God or Just wanting his answer?

I find myself obsessed on Sunday morning to get to church and find my seat so I can get ready to open my heart to the message of God.  I am at an age in my life where my spirituality is number one in my life.  I was raised in church by my Christian father, who has been the biggest role model in my life.  We went to church every Sunday, even when I did not want to go during my teenage years.  I remember getting a gift of a Bible quote on a plaque at a baby shower from a friend when I was pregnant.  It was Proverbs 22:6 which says Train Up a Child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.  This verse has stuck with me since that very day because I know if you are raised in church or you make sure you take your children to church there is a better chance of you and them returning to church when you get older or at least that is what has happened to me.  Of course, God never wants us to leave the church because there is where we are most likely to hear his word, but we all do for a while because we grow apart thinking we don’t need to hear that “stuff” all the time but we do.  The biggest most important thing to remember here is that even if you were not raised in church or did not take your children to church there is still a place for you at a local church to come and get to know a God who loves you and wants to change your life for the better.  I believe in God and I believe in the verse Jeremiah 29:11, For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future and that is what I am waiting on which brings me to my take-a-way from church today:  Are you waiting on God or just waiting on God’s answer?

The message was exactly what I needed to hear.  I have been waiting for some major things in my life to change.  I know everyone has something that is causing them stress but I also know that when we are stressed about something we become narcissistic about it.  I hate to admit it but it is true.  I can say it now out loud because my Preacher said it today which confirmed this must be a normal emotion.  I moved to Charleston 4 years ago.  I was in a lonely place in my life.  My real estate work was going great.  I was so busy but also able to work part time by chance and make a very good living.  I was lonely.  I felt I was going to never find what God wanted me to have living in my small home town.  I felt suffocated.  I started getting close to that dreaded age of 50.  I decided I needed to start looking at my life and trying to figure out what I wanted to do.  I believe at 50 you need to make some important decisions because if you are lucky enough to live to be 100, you realize its all over the hill and on the downward slide from here.  Making decisions about my life was one of those things I felt needed to be done.  I had always wanted to move away from my hometown.  I had never really felt like I belonged there (this is a story for another time). I had been praying to God about what to do.  One night I was awakened in the middle of the night and sat up in bed.  I heard God’s voice tell me to sell all of my belongings and move to Charleston.  I was sure it was him who told me to do this because I was awakened from a deep sleep.  I took this as a sign from God that everything was going to be okay.  So I stepped out in faith (which I had done once before) and began the process.  I have this weird personality.  I always think I have to hire the expert so I hired a Life Coach.  She helped me with the mental process of letting go of my real estate career.  This was a huge deal because if you are self employed you know that your business is how you make your living.  As I said before, I believe in God and I know God has my back so I let go and moved on.  I was more excited about moving and starting my new life than leaving my old one and my career.

When I got to Charleston, which is only 3 hours from my hometown, it was like moving across country.  I have vacationed here so many times during my life but living here and starting over to be self employed was like a slap in the face.  It was not what I had expected.  I had thought that the voice of God telling me to sell all my belongings and move meant everything was going to be wonderful from here on out.  Not true at all!  It was hard.  I encountered many hurtful experiences from people who I had been told I could trust – that I do not want to even remember must less blog about.  I was devastated and lonely and broke.  It has been four years now and things are getting better.  My real estate work has picked up finally, and I am making friends, I found a wonderful church which has saved me from being completely in despair.  I still pray constantly about my financial needs and for God to send me a Christian husband.  I know these things will be answered because God has told me “It will come in the winter”.  Yes, I heard him say these words as loud as he told me to move here.  So I am waiting and trying to be patient.  In January of this year 2017, the word Patience popped into my head.  Someone at church told me,  “God gives me a word every year and that is my word for what I need to work on in my life during the year.”  I had never had a word but hearing this was a Ah Ha because the word Patience was a word that was in my head from God so this explained what I was supposed to do with it.  Her telling me this was no coincidence.  It was an explanation.  It was going to be the real reason of what my life’s journey was going to be this year.

Today at church was the perfect message for me.  The Preacher said,  “Are you waiting on God’s answer or are you waiting on God?” Do you want the answer from God more than God?  Mmm…this is going to be good I thought.  We all know that everything in life takes time but why is it that when we pray to God for help we don’t want to wait on his timing?  Everything is in God’s timing; although, we want it now!  As in Isaiah 40:31, Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.  Waiting brings patience and spiritual growth.  Waiting is not passive it is active.  We think if we are waiting we are doing nothing.  That is not true.  God wants us to be a in place of worship while we wait.  One of the Biblical meanings of the word worship is Worth Shaping.  This means when you pray to God for something and you know you have to be patient for his answer you have a Gap in the middle that has to be filled.  In this gap, God wants you to be in a state of worship.  This is a time in your life where you should be worth shaping.  This is a time where God is watching to see are you worthy of your answered prayer.    During this gap, what are you doing?  Sin is easy to fall into this gap with you.  Waiting causes bitterness, negativity and fear.  These are forms of sin.  “God doesn’t hear me!” “God doesn’t care about me!” “Nothing will ever change!” “Why is this happening to me?” “What did I do to deserve this?”  These are sinful gap responses that we fill in our heads to keep us from having faith and patience.  I admit I have had those thoughts too because I pray and nothing changes so I feel like giving up.  I have heard them all in my head so many times thus being narcissistic about my own problems and my own needs which I think no one understands or cares but God understands and God cares.  Sometimes we can’t see anything but what is going on in our own lives.  We fall into the gap which becomes a huge black hole that we must climb out of to have patience.  Waiting is allowing you to grow up in your faith. God wants us to wait expectantly.  The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him – Lamentations 3:25.  He wants is to wait confidentially.   And the Lord answered me, write down the vision.  Make it plain on tablets so he may run who reads it – Habakkuk 2:2.  Write down what God has told you.  Journal his words in writing so you can go back and be reminded of what he has told you.  Hold them in your heart because what he has told you is true.  The gap is not a black hole which is there to sink your worries and cover you with fear.  It is a time of faith that you must rely on God’s promises and hold them near.  God’s timing is more important than his answers as it says in Romans 8:28 – And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose and in Jeremiah 29:11, For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Be patient good things are coming your way!



Slaying the Giant – A mini-series of hope.


Takeaway from church today is… you just need to watch the sermon. Slaying the Giant of Addiction.

What is addiction – Saying YES to things that don’t want you to be Free. They control your life until you break the chains of addiction and stop the cycle.

It’s not just drugs and alcohol. It could be sweets, work, food, shopping, exercise, gossip, worrying, negativity, co-dependency, etc. – whatever you are enslaved to is your addiction. We all have them!

I will post the sermon once it is posted on the church website. It was really eye opening as to how our addictive behaviors are formed and how it takes time to reprogram our minds to stop the behavior.

Some really good Bible scriptures with this sermon are below:

Romans 7: 19
Romans 7: 21-23
Romans 6: 16-19
Exodus 20:3
Philippians 2:13
Matthew 7: 7-8

Final thought – Find your “Me too Person” or be a “Me too Person” – meaning have someone in your life you can related to or be someone for someone else they can relate to. Breaking addiction takes love, compassion, understanding, prayers, and trust knowing others want the best for you!

What are my addictions? Let me put it out there!

1. Sweets – doing a better job at overcoming sweets.
2. Loneliness – doing a better job believing God will bring the right person into my life.
3. Worry – learning to have more faith that God will provide for my needs and it is not all up to me.

Until you can openly say your addictions out loud – you will continue to be enslaved! I plan to be FREE – How about you?


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