Tag Archives: #prayabouteverything

Tis the Season to be Jolly…

Tree

Recently I toured my local Pier One Imports store (www.pier1.com) for holiday decorating ideas and got quiet a few good ones.  I decided to use the pictures I took on my Instagram and to write my blog about simple decorating ideas for the holidays to bring beauty to your home should your home be “on the market” for sale during the holiday season; but this morning as I was collecting my thoughts about what I had planned to say, I went back to where I was last Christmas.  I decided to share my real life experience along with some decorating ideas.  What better way to get to know me – Right?  So here goes…  Continue reading

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Round and Round I go…

 

where I will stop nobody knows.  Remember that childhood game?

scale

It was the first thing that popped into my head when I was thinking about what to title this blog post.  I should have titled it “Forgive me Father for I have sinned” it has been 1.5 years since my last Diet Coke.  As I wake up this morning I feel like my body is going to pop like a balloon.  Some how during the night I gained weight or maybe its inflammation but to me it is still weight and of all days I am going for my annual Gyno appointment.  Geez, the timing could not be worse because I hate getting on the scales and having my current weight written down in the book of life for an entire year!

When I go today, I know I will ask the same question I ask every year as the nurse tells me “You weigh X number pounds today”.  Then I will say, “What did I weigh last year?” If the weight is less, I will walk out feeling like a winner even if it is one pound less I will be proud of myself for keeping it under control during the past year.  If the weight is more, I will walk out feeling like a loser and the thought of why I can’t maintain the same weight number will have me bummed the entire day.  I am not a medical expert on health or anything related, but I have my own opinions based on how I feel and what I have learned on the Internet about health, weight, healthy eating, you name it I have tried to read it or buy the book.  My BFF calls me the Google Queen.  If I want to know something, I look it up on the world wide web and this past year I have been an avid learner about a lot of things that are changing in my life especially my health.

As I find myself now over 50, I have began to try to get my priorities in order regarding my life.  No, I am not talking about writing a will, but maybe that is not a bad idea.  I should call it a life will.  I should be holding myself accountable by writing down my goals just as they teach us in a 1000 business classes.  Healthy eating and a healthy lifestyle is huge on my list but it hasn’t become a commitment I can stick to YET.  I have realized with my children grown and living on their own the only person I have to take care of is ME.  Why am I so slack about this?  Maybe it is because I work a lot or I still try to do what I can to help my children but none of this is entirely true.  My work has steadied and my children don’t really need me anymore so the truth is I am just lazy and not committed.  Yes – I admit it.  I admit it out loud!  I have a lack of commitment when it comes to my health.  I try and fail.  I get on the wagon and I fall off the wagon.  It is always a hard fall, but it is always a hard start too.  My health and fitness coach does a weekly Facebook post asking to check in.  I have not checked in for a very long time.  I know she knows I am off the wagon right now.  When you are not being accountable, you are in hiding.  So let’s just say for the past 3 months I have been hiding out.

There are a couple of things I have learned about myself in the past 1.5 years.  It is hard being single when it comes to food.  When you live alone, you don’t want to cook for one person.  I recently went to Whole Foods and purchased a grocery list of things from a new cookbook  called Kitchen Matters (you have got to get this book – really good).  $225 dollars later, I go home with kale, spaghetti squash, eggplant, baking soda, baking power, coconut flakes, etc. to use in the recipes I planned to cook.  As I looked in my fridge last night, I still have most of these items.  I can hear my Dad’s voice in my head as I think about wasting food.  He used to tell my brother, sister, and myself how lucky we are to have food when there are children in other countries starving. I know this is true and thank God everyday for giving me food to eat when so many people are starving, BUT I can’t help the fact that I don’t want to cook or even eat the things I just spent $225 dollars buying.  So why did I buy them, it was because I want to live a healthy lifestyle.  I keep trying and trying so I know I have to eat the food in my fridge and soon.  Living a healthier life reduces cancer, slows the aging process, reduces inflammation in the body, and helps to maintain weight – or so I have read on the internet and seen on TV!  I really do believe this stuff.  When I eat healthier, I feel better and I am happier with the way I look.  I have more confidence about myself.  I also believe you can create a set point with your weight.  No one has ever told me this but I have figured it out on my own.  When I was at my heaviest, I weight 132 pounds at 5’2″.  I looked like a rolly polly and I felt like one too.

I attended my BFFs wedding November of 2015.  When she posted the wedding photos on Facebook, I almost died.  I could not believe how terrible I looked.  No one had said anything except my son.  He had been constantly telling me (I call it harassing me) to eat healthier, but a lot of my issues at the time were related to depression.  I tried for a long time to get under this 132 set point.  I finally decided as much as I did not want to live off of water, I had to give up the Diet Coke.  Once this happened within 3 months, I had lost 10 pounds.  Now I feel I have reset my weight point to 122.  Lately it has been around 121 but today I feel bloated and over weight.  The scales in the kitchen say I am 121.2 today so I can relate it to being bloated and not eating right.  Dr Oz was on TV this week, and he said you take your height which mine is 64 inches (5’2″) then you measure your waist (mine is 29 inches) and multiply it by 2 (58 inches).  If your waist is equal to or over your height, you need to lose weight.  My goodness, I am on the borderline so I need to get back on the wagon and stay on.  The fun is over!  No more sweets, carbs, whatever looks delicious (oh I need to stop torturing myself).

When I am not maintaining my health, I feel bloated, don’t sleep well, have more body aches in my joints, look older, feel more depressed, and have no energy.  My goodness, I think I just gave myself enough reasons to be committed to staying on the wagon.  Part of my problem is I get to my desired weight and I start feeling good about myself then I add a cookie once a week as a reward thinking it won’t hurt me but it does every single time.  I hear so many people say they give themselves a cheat day.  It might work for them but it does not work for me.  The cheat days have now given me the revelation of the truth – I am cheating!  Cheating!  I need to learn to be wiser about what is best for me when it comes to food.  I need to make good decisions no matter where I go.  Just because my friend is having the fried chicken I need to order the baked chicken.  No, I am not blaming it on the friend.  I’m still the one putting it in my mouth.  What I am saying is to some degree this is causing me to be weak.  Maybe it has something to do with my mental state of thinking I can’t ever have that again.  I feel a sense of loss for foods I like but as the saying goes anything worth having is worth working for so I will miss you my old friend.  The only way I know to realign my mindset about food is to try something I have not even thought of before.

Remember I told you the first thing I woke up and thought about was the Gyno visit today?  Well, the second thing I thought about was my weight and prayer.  How I connected these two together I have no idea.  It must be a God thing.  I know God tells me little things from time to time and this has to be one of them because I don’t think I would be thinking about weight and prayer in the same thought but God is right.  I need to pray about it.  I mean why not?  We pray about other things that matter to us – people, money issues, job issues, health concerns, relationships.  Why not pray about living a healthy lifestyle or even losing weight?  I need to pray and ask God to help me be more committed to my goals and things that are important to me such as maintaining my weight and exercising as well as watching what I eat.  I spend a lot of time praying about everything.  I would say I call myself an all day prayer.  I am constantly in prayer, but I just never thought about praying about my weight.  As it says in the Bible verse which comes to my mind and reminds me of God’s words, it is Philippians 4:6-7 which says…

Philippians 4:6-7(CEV)

Don’t worry about anything, but pray about everything. With thankful hearts offer up your prayers and requests to God. Then, because you belong to Christ Jesus, God will bless you with peace that no one can completely understand. And this peace will control the way you think and feel.

And with this, I will pray and ask God for commitment to taking better care of myself though the foods I eat and the exercise I am thinking about doing (story for another blog!).  One thing I know is I have to be committed to myself.  If I can’t be committed to myself what does that say about me?  This is a defining moment in my life.  It may sound a little dramatic to you but like I said earlier, the only person I have to take care of at my age is ME.  I can’t let myself down.  Be Blessed!

UPDATE:  I survived my Gyno appointment.  Weight last year was 128, so I am definitely better than last year weight-wise which means if I feel bloated and huge today, I really am making process.  Oh and by the way…my fitness coach read my blog.  I outed myself.  She texted me right when I was about to eat lunch to rant about how I need to become committed to a healthy lifestyle.  She was pretty tough on me in her text messages, but I know she means well.  I have already admitted in this post my failure is from a lack of commitment.  So, I am looking forward to my Gyno appointment next year to see where I am because I am going to learn to eat to live and not live to eat – starting now!  Oh and she told me to get off the dang scale!  HA HA