Tag Archives: #icandoit

This is a Test!

Neil

This is a test.  What would you do if you had to smile in the face of adversity?  Smile in the face of anger or aggravation?  Smile in the face of hurt or pain?  What would you do?  Could you handle it or would you want to punch the lights out of something or someone?  Would you want to ram your car into a brick wall?  Would that make you or anything in your life feel better?

True story!  Back before Christmas I was going through a hard time.  I was lonely.  Being single is not fun.  I don’t care what people tell you – they lie.  I was having medical issues.  Getting old hurts and it can be painful.  Old injuries flare up and cause things to happen you would never want to wish on anyone.  I was stressed out about my life – my job – and my financial situation.  I wasn’t in the best place with the relationship I had with my two children.  I was in a poor pitiful me state.  I think the only person I felt okay with was God.  I did a lot of praying and a lot of asking “Why is everything in my life such a mess?” “What did I do to deserve this?” “What can I do to change it?” I knew I could only control myself but “myself” was in a state of distress.  A state of not wanting to get out of bed.  I literally felt like I had no reason to get out of bed – why bother?  Right?  Everything I was going to do would be done by me alone.  If I don’t want to clean the house, no one cares and no one even knows.  I just felt terrible and I didn’t even like myself!

For about six (6) months previously, I had been hearing God say – you are going to hit the wall.  I heard this loud voice in my head every time I got into my SUV to drive.  I kept thinking why am I hearing this – you are going to hit the wall.  What did it mean?  Was it about my car or was it about me emotionally?  I thought that if it was about my car, that was crazy.  I was not going to hit a wall because I was careful about pulling out of parking spaces in my parking garage.  So I thought it had to be meant about me emotionally.  Of course, I paid it no attention.  It made no sense to me.

A Saturday came and I had been invited to go to Summerville to be a fill in Bunco player.  I don’t know much about the game but I have learned enough to be a fill in when they need someone because one of their regular gals is out.  As I got in my car to leave, I was thinking about how I didn’t want to go.  I was in a bad mood in my head.  I felt sorry for myself – you name it I was feeling it but I knew I needed to keep my promise of saying I would come.  I cranked my SUV,  Parked beside the garage wall, I attempted to pull out and guess what?  I hit the wall!  YES –  I actually hit the freaking wall.  I stopped the car and was in shock.  WOW – OMGosh!  God told me I was going to hit the wall and I did.  He had been telling me this for 6 months.  I can’t believe it happened. This was crazy!

As I sat in my SUV not moving, I decided I had come to my breaking point.  I backed up the SUV and rammed my pretty white SUV into the wall again myself.  I had just had enough.  Sort of like when you are so stressed you feel like running into a tree – but you would never do it.  It is just a thought in your head, but this time I felt I could not take it anymore.  I rammed it into the brick wall of my own free will.  As I pulled out of the garage I shouted out loud the words I could only hear – WELL – THAT DIDN’T GIVE ME ANY SELF SATISFACTION WORTH A DAMN!  I screamed.  I guess I thought by being able to ram my SUV into the wall myself the second time, it was supposed to be a release of everything I had been feeling and in some way be a cleansing to my soul.  This action only made me realize it did not calm the stress or anger or fear in my life.  It did not fix anything.  Believe it or not – I burst into laughter.  Maybe the laughter was an influx of emotion that was the opposite of crying so I was thankful I was not crying.  I really don’t know, but I drove to Summerville thinking about what I had done and feeling that I had no sense of peace or self satisfaction from doing it.  None whatsoever!

What I did learn is this.  Humility is not about thinking less of yourself.  It is about thinking of yourself less.  Get it?  I was so self consumed in myself that I could not see the blessings God has given me.  I am a good person.  I am blessed in so many ways.  I have a roof over my head and food on my table.  I have clean clothes to wear and I have family and friends.  God loves me all the time – even to the end of the earth.  Matthew 28:20 says “Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world.” This comforts me.  When I feel alone, I know that God is there.  Funny how I could be mad at myself or other people but not be mad at God?  Most of the time people get mad at God first.  Let’s just blame ole God.  Nope I didn’t.  I have learned enough to know that all the negative things that happen to me or that I hear in my head – God would never do it or say it.  Sort of like asking yourself – “Who told you that, because God would never tell you that!” No – he would not.

I decided after having some time to come to my senses that I am the only one who can drag myself out of the pity party.  I need to be more in control of myself and how I feel and react to things.  I made a promise to be more thankful and be more kind to myself and everyone else.  Have more gratitude and to tell myself that although I can not control what other people do and say, I can control me.  Sort of like a “What would Jesus do?” thing.  When I approach someone who is not friendly, I make excuses for them.  Stuff like – ” Well, they must have had a bad day.” Or see someone doing something mean, I think “Well I will pray for them.” I know if you are reading this you are probably thinking she is one crazy woman, but I have to be able to justify it in my head that things could be worse and to know I am praying for someone who may need it in hopes that someone is also praying for me too.  I step back and try to think of how to be at peace.  To live in peace and to not worry so much.  I am still working on it but I know if I leave it in God’s hands he always works it out for my good – in his own timing.

What can you do to change your life for the better?  NASA astronaut, Neil Armstrong’s most famous line – “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.”  Maybe we can relate this same message to our own life each day.  A simple smile to someone in the grocery store who looks at you – could be your one small step.  Maybe they can pay it forward to the next person and on and on it goes – then you have one giant leap for mankind.  We not only can change our attitude and our own world around us we can do this small act of helping to take the leap for mankind to make the world a better place.  Get out of your own head.  I am working on getting out of mine.  Then maybe – just maybe – no one has to hit the wall ever again.  Be Blessed!  Hugs.

 

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Move it or Lose it

IMG_3751

Yesterday marked the end of Summer.  I am actually sad to see it go.  I am a Summer girl and love being outdoors and enjoying the beauty of life.  I didn’t always feel this way, but I do now.  I find myself more alive when I am outside doing something – anything.  It feels freeing! I chose to mark my Labor Day with a walk on the Ravenal Bridge – aka the Cooper River Bridge.  The name Cooper River was the name of the old bridge before it was torn down and a new one was built maybe 10 years or so ago and named after Authur Ravenal Bridge.  I will let you do the research on who he was.

As I walked the bridge, I am always reminded how important it is to do some form of exercise.  I am an off the wagon on the wagon exerciser.  I start out and get really into it and then all of a sudden I stop.  I never actually know why.  It just happens.  One of my goals is to stay committed to my exercise routine.  I need to learn to be as committed to myself as I am to others!  The one thing I do know is if you don’t move it – you will lose it.  This scares me as I notice my body changing with age and becoming more stiff – especially in the mornings.  It is important to keep moving so you can keep moving.  When I am exercising, I can actually tell a difference in the flexibility of my body such as the ability to stand on one foot and keep my balance.  There is a lady in my community who walks everyday.  I always see her walking down the side walk dressed in her exercise clothes.  She appears to be older than me.  She walks everyday without fail.  I admire her for just getting up and getting out to do her daily walk.  Exercise is so important to our entire system – mind – body – and spirit.  It can be a huge stress reliever and a great way to get your quiet time.

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How to Create a DIY Belt in 5 mins!

Belt Pink

Today I had a business meeting downtown.  I awoke this morning wondering what I could wear that looked “business-ey” , fashionable and comfortable.  I selected this blush pink flared sleeve top I purchased this summer.  The blush color is all the rave on the fashion posts I follow on IG.   This one had just a tiny bit of wrinkle to it which I felt added to the style.  I matched it with a slim line black skirt.  Needing something to tie them together, I thought of the black and white gingham ribbon I had purchased to make a belt.  I pulled the ribbon out and thought I could make it work without the belt buckle.  Sometimes belt buckles can come off too bulky.  Below is what I decided to do.  It took 5 minute to throw this together, and it turned out pretty nice.  I even got a couple of compliments on my outfit today too from strangers.  You know you are on point when a stranger tells you how good you look.  : )

Belt

I had purchased a spool of ribbon about 2.5 yards.  My waist is 28 inches.  I wasn’t ready to cut the ribbon in half yet because I might use it for something else so I decided to fold it in half.  Once I did , I noticed it was long enough to wrap around my waist twice.  I started in the front and wrapped to the back and around to the front again.  If your waist is larger, you can decide how many times you want to wrap it around your waist to get the look you want so you will know how much ribbon to buy.  If you look above, you will see the loop created naturally due to the ribbon being folded.  I took the free end and put it through the loop, then I pulled it back in the reverse direction and tucked the end of the ribbon under the bottom side of the ribbon at my waist.  This created a nice twist in the front and a wide belt look.  One note is the ribbon has a tiny edging of wire on each end which helped it keep its shape and prevented it from rolling down.  The ribbon belt I made today cost $3.99, and I can use the ribbon for other things if I want to.  I am not a pro-diy -er so if I can do it anyone can!  Don’t be afraid to create it yourself so you save money when trying to get the look you want.  Hope you like it.  Be Blessed!

 

Round and Round I go…

 

where I will stop nobody knows.  Remember that childhood game?

scale

It was the first thing that popped into my head when I was thinking about what to title this blog post.  I should have titled it “Forgive me Father for I have sinned” it has been 1.5 years since my last Diet Coke.  As I wake up this morning I feel like my body is going to pop like a balloon.  Some how during the night I gained weight or maybe its inflammation but to me it is still weight and of all days I am going for my annual Gyno appointment.  Geez, the timing could not be worse because I hate getting on the scales and having my current weight written down in the book of life for an entire year!

When I go today, I know I will ask the same question I ask every year as the nurse tells me “You weigh X number pounds today”.  Then I will say, “What did I weigh last year?” If the weight is less, I will walk out feeling like a winner even if it is one pound less I will be proud of myself for keeping it under control during the past year.  If the weight is more, I will walk out feeling like a loser and the thought of why I can’t maintain the same weight number will have me bummed the entire day.  I am not a medical expert on health or anything related, but I have my own opinions based on how I feel and what I have learned on the Internet about health, weight, healthy eating, you name it I have tried to read it or buy the book.  My BFF calls me the Google Queen.  If I want to know something, I look it up on the world wide web and this past year I have been an avid learner about a lot of things that are changing in my life especially my health.

As I find myself now over 50, I have began to try to get my priorities in order regarding my life.  No, I am not talking about writing a will, but maybe that is not a bad idea.  I should call it a life will.  I should be holding myself accountable by writing down my goals just as they teach us in a 1000 business classes.  Healthy eating and a healthy lifestyle is huge on my list but it hasn’t become a commitment I can stick to YET.  I have realized with my children grown and living on their own the only person I have to take care of is ME.  Why am I so slack about this?  Maybe it is because I work a lot or I still try to do what I can to help my children but none of this is entirely true.  My work has steadied and my children don’t really need me anymore so the truth is I am just lazy and not committed.  Yes – I admit it.  I admit it out loud!  I have a lack of commitment when it comes to my health.  I try and fail.  I get on the wagon and I fall off the wagon.  It is always a hard fall, but it is always a hard start too.  My health and fitness coach does a weekly Facebook post asking to check in.  I have not checked in for a very long time.  I know she knows I am off the wagon right now.  When you are not being accountable, you are in hiding.  So let’s just say for the past 3 months I have been hiding out.

There are a couple of things I have learned about myself in the past 1.5 years.  It is hard being single when it comes to food.  When you live alone, you don’t want to cook for one person.  I recently went to Whole Foods and purchased a grocery list of things from a new cookbook  called Kitchen Matters (you have got to get this book – really good).  $225 dollars later, I go home with kale, spaghetti squash, eggplant, baking soda, baking power, coconut flakes, etc. to use in the recipes I planned to cook.  As I looked in my fridge last night, I still have most of these items.  I can hear my Dad’s voice in my head as I think about wasting food.  He used to tell my brother, sister, and myself how lucky we are to have food when there are children in other countries starving. I know this is true and thank God everyday for giving me food to eat when so many people are starving, BUT I can’t help the fact that I don’t want to cook or even eat the things I just spent $225 dollars buying.  So why did I buy them, it was because I want to live a healthy lifestyle.  I keep trying and trying so I know I have to eat the food in my fridge and soon.  Living a healthier life reduces cancer, slows the aging process, reduces inflammation in the body, and helps to maintain weight – or so I have read on the internet and seen on TV!  I really do believe this stuff.  When I eat healthier, I feel better and I am happier with the way I look.  I have more confidence about myself.  I also believe you can create a set point with your weight.  No one has ever told me this but I have figured it out on my own.  When I was at my heaviest, I weight 132 pounds at 5’2″.  I looked like a rolly polly and I felt like one too.

I attended my BFFs wedding November of 2015.  When she posted the wedding photos on Facebook, I almost died.  I could not believe how terrible I looked.  No one had said anything except my son.  He had been constantly telling me (I call it harassing me) to eat healthier, but a lot of my issues at the time were related to depression.  I tried for a long time to get under this 132 set point.  I finally decided as much as I did not want to live off of water, I had to give up the Diet Coke.  Once this happened within 3 months, I had lost 10 pounds.  Now I feel I have reset my weight point to 122.  Lately it has been around 121 but today I feel bloated and over weight.  The scales in the kitchen say I am 121.2 today so I can relate it to being bloated and not eating right.  Dr Oz was on TV this week, and he said you take your height which mine is 64 inches (5’2″) then you measure your waist (mine is 29 inches) and multiply it by 2 (58 inches).  If your waist is equal to or over your height, you need to lose weight.  My goodness, I am on the borderline so I need to get back on the wagon and stay on.  The fun is over!  No more sweets, carbs, whatever looks delicious (oh I need to stop torturing myself).

When I am not maintaining my health, I feel bloated, don’t sleep well, have more body aches in my joints, look older, feel more depressed, and have no energy.  My goodness, I think I just gave myself enough reasons to be committed to staying on the wagon.  Part of my problem is I get to my desired weight and I start feeling good about myself then I add a cookie once a week as a reward thinking it won’t hurt me but it does every single time.  I hear so many people say they give themselves a cheat day.  It might work for them but it does not work for me.  The cheat days have now given me the revelation of the truth – I am cheating!  Cheating!  I need to learn to be wiser about what is best for me when it comes to food.  I need to make good decisions no matter where I go.  Just because my friend is having the fried chicken I need to order the baked chicken.  No, I am not blaming it on the friend.  I’m still the one putting it in my mouth.  What I am saying is to some degree this is causing me to be weak.  Maybe it has something to do with my mental state of thinking I can’t ever have that again.  I feel a sense of loss for foods I like but as the saying goes anything worth having is worth working for so I will miss you my old friend.  The only way I know to realign my mindset about food is to try something I have not even thought of before.

Remember I told you the first thing I woke up and thought about was the Gyno visit today?  Well, the second thing I thought about was my weight and prayer.  How I connected these two together I have no idea.  It must be a God thing.  I know God tells me little things from time to time and this has to be one of them because I don’t think I would be thinking about weight and prayer in the same thought but God is right.  I need to pray about it.  I mean why not?  We pray about other things that matter to us – people, money issues, job issues, health concerns, relationships.  Why not pray about living a healthy lifestyle or even losing weight?  I need to pray and ask God to help me be more committed to my goals and things that are important to me such as maintaining my weight and exercising as well as watching what I eat.  I spend a lot of time praying about everything.  I would say I call myself an all day prayer.  I am constantly in prayer, but I just never thought about praying about my weight.  As it says in the Bible verse which comes to my mind and reminds me of God’s words, it is Philippians 4:6-7 which says…

Philippians 4:6-7(CEV)

Don’t worry about anything, but pray about everything. With thankful hearts offer up your prayers and requests to God. Then, because you belong to Christ Jesus, God will bless you with peace that no one can completely understand. And this peace will control the way you think and feel.

And with this, I will pray and ask God for commitment to taking better care of myself though the foods I eat and the exercise I am thinking about doing (story for another blog!).  One thing I know is I have to be committed to myself.  If I can’t be committed to myself what does that say about me?  This is a defining moment in my life.  It may sound a little dramatic to you but like I said earlier, the only person I have to take care of at my age is ME.  I can’t let myself down.  Be Blessed!

UPDATE:  I survived my Gyno appointment.  Weight last year was 128, so I am definitely better than last year weight-wise which means if I feel bloated and huge today, I really am making process.  Oh and by the way…my fitness coach read my blog.  I outed myself.  She texted me right when I was about to eat lunch to rant about how I need to become committed to a healthy lifestyle.  She was pretty tough on me in her text messages, but I know she means well.  I have already admitted in this post my failure is from a lack of commitment.  So, I am looking forward to my Gyno appointment next year to see where I am because I am going to learn to eat to live and not live to eat – starting now!  Oh and she told me to get off the dang scale!  HA HA